[M-R look away now]
I had this great idea for my Border Line book launch, it would be an afternoon affair with tea, coffee and cakes… so simple. The only problem is that I really cannot bake cakes and I have more than sixty hungry people coming on November 8th and I do want them to feel good (and, of course, buy books). I have ordered some mini cakes from our village café (lovely but expensive), and my daughter will help. Still, I am a tad concerned. I have in the past made passable fruit cakes, and they keep, so I thought I’d start with these.
I found five suitable tins, did some maths, but stupidly did not really take in the quantities I was juggling with, and started mixing currants, raisins, sultanas, glacé cherries and candied peel prior to soaking them in brandy.
Of course, I didn’t have containers built for this scale of catering, but after a sticky 20 minutes, managed to mix the fruit fairly evenly for overnight brandy-soaking.
Next afternoon my task started with preparing the tins – I’m a dab hand at this, but it takes time.
I’m finally about to get started when the Broadband engineer arrives. We don’t normally keep the phone and the router in the kitchen, but our main telephone socket is there and and our internet provider is insisting we use this socket until the problem (now three months old and this is the fourth engineer to visit) is sorted. I clear the table. After an hour the engineer has (Halluljah!) taken router and phone to husband’s desk.
I assemble all the other ingredients and start measuring – we’re talking twenty eggs here and 2 1/2 kilos butter never mind the flour, sugar, spices etc. [The glass of wine is merely a kitchen aid]. So I run to a neighbour to borrow some mixing bowls and decide I’d better cream the butter and sugar in two lots. 
My maths is suspect as I have more fruit than I will ever be able to put into the two lots of mixture. 
By the time I have grated five oranges, five lemons, added all the final ingredients, filled the tins and put them in the oven, it is 8 pm and we are HUNGRY.
The cakes are supposed to take a minimum of four hours. I take some out at 3 hours and the others at midnight, I have a horrible fear that I have overcooked them (death to fruitcakes).
In the morning they at least look the part. I shall feed them with brandy and perhaps display them temptingly, but out of reach, on the day. 
I now have about a kilo of brandy-soaked fruit unused and a small bowlful of uncooked fruitcake mix.
Although I enjoyed the mud-pie side of hand mixing the dried fruit, I think, on the whole, I’d better stick to writing.
Green Writing Room 
On the one hand, you have done very well.
I couldn’t even think about what you have achieved.
On the other, I now know why I could never run a book launch.
You don’t have to feed the punters… but I’m hoping it will encourage them. Actually those coming will all be friends so it is really just a (mostly) local party.
If the guests sniff the brandy I suspect you won’t be able to keep them out of reach. They look excellent. Do they travel well?
They are too heavy to travel – but they keep for years, so next time you come to Bishop Stortford (?)…
I sold my house in Bishops Stortford in 2006. A shame. I was off the hill up from the college, close to all the sports clubs. Maybe we will return one day 😊
As I say, the cake will keep (up to 25 years I am told!).
After all that, your guests better buy books. 🙂
Either that or cover them all with sticky fingers. I can hope.
Nononono, Hilary ! – they look simply DIVINE ! Amazingly, I’m not much of a cake-eater; but if I am going to enjoy cake, it’ll be FRUITCAKE ! 😀 Honest !!!!! (My mother used to make such fruitcake as to die for, inter plura alia, and love it is has remained in my big fat heart.)
I’m sure you can keep the fruit stored for next time ! – and as for the uncooked portion … 😀
I think you are so clever, I’m consumed with jealous rage.
I shall be thinking of you tomorrow fortnight, and salivating. Oh, and mentally urging your guests to BUY COPIES ! If they don’t, they’re off all lists from now on.
Well, off mine, anyway ! 🙂
Brain malfunction (again): and love for it has remained …
I’m sure your power of thought will overcome my cooking deficiencies. I prefer fruitcake too.
Looks good to me. Any left over can be re-constituted for a Chrismas pudding by simply wrapping it in a cloth and boil it a bit. The first of the Santa’s have arrived already. ( The plastic ones). All the best for the launch of your book. (No buy= no cake).
That’s a brilliant idea re the Christmas pudding and Brandy Butter makes anything edible. Re No buy=no cake, there is a sort of circular route in our house, but if they come past the books first they may hurry through to the cakes, and if the have the cakes first they will have sticky fingers when they get to the books. Hmm
Fruit cake keeps really well…So you can make another batch for your next book launch! 🙂
I’ll have to get my skates on to get the POW book out for the same fruit cakes and I fear the next fiction one will be at least a couple of years off, but I’ll try!
It looks lovely, Hilary. I’m hungry reading about it. 🙂
I fear they look better than they taste, as I overcooked them. I am feeding them brandy at intervals which should make them more palatable one way or another.
I love fruitcake, Hilary – wish I was near enough to come to your launch!
Thank you, I wish you were too. You get a mention in the acknowledgements.
You are a master pastry chef, Hilary! Five cakes at once! I stress out baking just one – besides, I don’t have a cavern for an oven like you. 🙂 And um… I hope the wine fulfilled its duties!
I stressed out too, I’m afraid (mostly because of the engineer and the computer modem hanging out in the kitchen). All was well in the end.